including an anticipation of upcoming competitions where the rules are arbitrary and the points are meaningless
The Asia Cup, the world’s greatest cricket competition for nations that tell their friends they despise one another but text each other “U up?” all the time, is finally over.
Nobody is actually quite satisfied with way everything turned out, as is typical for situationships of this kind.
Let’s now have a debrief. I suppose.
Dear God.
THE NEXT JAYSIA* CUP’S RULES
To maximize television and sponsorship money in international competitions, the ICC has shamelessly placed India and Pakistan in the same group or designed a round-robin format that guaranteed their meeting for multiple tournament cycles.
The Asian Cricket Council has also made an effort to schedule as many Pakistan vs. India games as feasible. However, due in part to their weather, a stupid team from Sri Lanka keeps messing up the schedule for sponsors and broadcasters.
Here is a suggested set of regulations for the future Asian competition, written in light of these capitalist mishaps.
– A reserve day will always be included in India vs. Pakistan matches. This much is clear.
Should the reserve day prove insufficient for completing the game, a third day will be added to the match. Who cares if there are any matches between lower teams that are scheduled on that third day and are played in the parking lot with a tennis ball or anything else they can find?
– Not only do India and Pakistan consistently begin the tournament in the same group, but they also consistently face the weakest opposition in their group.
If Nepal is a strong team by the time the next Asia Cup begins, the competition will include seven teams instead of six, and Nepal would be in a group with Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, and other nations, while India and Pakistan will be in a three-team group with, say, Mongolia.
– Eliminate the superfluous net run rate in the Super Four level. In the event that two teams have equal points, the nation with the largest population advances.
Unless Bangladesh officially surpasses Pakistan in terms of population, that is. In that scenario, we return to NRR.
– The tournament is progressively hosted by each ACC member. As a result, they receive the opportunity to predict the precise locations and schedule that the BCCI want on a rotating basis.
REVIEWS BY TEAM
Afghanistan’s score, as a compliment to whoever was doing the math in the team’s locker room when they had a chance to advance with a victory over Sri Lanka in the final group match, is 432 out of 10.
Highlight: Nearly defeating Sri Lanka in a significant competition.
Low point: Coming close to defeating Sri Lanka and then realizing they could have eliminated them with better information.
Bangladesh received a score of 4 out of 10, despite appearing to be a team capable of competing against the established Asian powers, their strong showings in this competition came much later than expected.
Peak performance: Defeating India in the last Super Four match.
Low point: They kind of competed, but they also came up short of what most people had anticipated them to do.
Nepal Score: 10/10: They receive full credit for participating in this competition flawlessly and allowing Pakistan and India to completely dominate them.
Low point: Defeating Pakistan by 238 runs.
High point: Everything is high at the Himalayan altitudes.
India
Score out of 10: Can anyone dispute a score of 10 to India? My goal is to survive.
Highlight: Rohit Sharma asked the people outside the stadium to hold off on firing off fireworks until after they had won the World Cup in jest.
Low point: No, but are these guys truly safe?
Sri Lanka Points out of 10: Since Dasun Shanaka can reach a maximum of 10 and finally achieve a double figure score, let him select this.
High point: Charith Asalanka leading the team home against Pakistan with the final ball.
Low point: Losing badly, going down to 50 men in the championship game.
Pakistan
Score out of 10: The seam bowlers receive a perfect score. Not a lot of points for the spinners.
Peak moment: Shadab Khan makes Virat Kohli giggle during a conversation during the first “Pakistan vs. India final” rain breaks.
Low point: Not believing they could succeed once more.
* The Briefing calls for mockery of anyone who would pronounce the tournament name as “Jaysia” while reading, denouncing the spelling in the strongest terms imaginable.
