For the first time since announcing her retirement from international competition in November 2023, former Australian captain Meg Lanning discussed her mental health concerns. The 32-year-old obsessively thought back on her struggles and the reasons she decided to retire.
Lanning claimed that her severe eating disorder and irregular sleep patterns were caused by her fixation with running, which in turn severely traumatized her.
“I dropped from 64 kg to roughly 57 kg. At The Howie Games podcast, Lanning stated, “The ratios were really off.” “I was unaware that it interfered with my ability to focus. To be honest, I didn’t really want to see anyone else. I cut off a lot of contact with friends and relatives.
“I just kept sliding because everything was out of balance. It must come to an end eventually. In terms of my future, I felt completely out of control, asking myself, “If it’s not cricket, what does life look like if I am not playing?”
The issue first became apparent during the 2023 T20 World Cup, which Australia won under Lanning’s direction. The Women’s Premier League in India, where the Australian led Delhi Capitals to the championship game in the competition’s inaugural season, took place after the main event.
When Lanning experienced an identity problem outside of cricket, she would typically run away from the circumstance. But it quickly turned into an issue that she was unable to resolve.
“It was a bit of my coping mechanism, I’d love just chucking the headphones in and going for a run,” she explained. “I could mentally run away, toss the headphones, and forget about bringing my phone… I would just be listening to music on my Apple Watch, so no one could get in touch with me.
It developed into an obsession because I felt in control, I could mentally disappear, and no one could get in touch with me. It wasn’t intentional at first; rather, it just kind of became the new normal. However, it gradually began to influence my conscious choices since, in general, I felt great, I was light, I could run a lot, and I wasn’t getting hurt as everyone had warned me I would.
“Last year, during the World Cup and WPL, I think my obsessive side started to get a little out of control.” It was like, “No days off, can’t eat your meal until you’ve gone for a big run,” even though I don’t usually sit still. That’s when it started to really take off.”
Her declining mental state severely disrupted her sleep patterns in addition to tearing apart her dietary plans. During her gloomy phase, Lanning slept for only two hours at night most days. Lanning’s plate was already full, so the lack of sleep, or rather the inability to get sleep, was a source of additional irritation.
“Knowing that I would go to bed and be unable to sleep, I detested nighttime. I would be furious about that. All I would do was grow angrier at myself. You’re unable to do anything if you can’t sleep.”
Lanning had previously taken a brief hiatus in 2022 following the Commonwealth Games, where Australia won gold. Following the short break, Lanning came back and guided Australia to the 2023 T20 championship. Lanning’s career as a player and team member was filled with success, but her mental state was obviously in disarray.
other than the fact that she herself was unable to accept reality. It took Lanning some time to come to terms with her circumstances.
“I was in denial, even though everyone kept telling me something wasn’t quite right, and it kind of just spiralled out of control.” I was not in a position to play cricket, go on tour, and deliver the kind of mental and physical dedication needed for that Ashes series.”
Lanning deserves a great deal of respect for never letting her personal issues interfere with her performance. She even played a few useful knocks for Victoria in domestic cricket last summer, demonstrating her ongoing exceptional form with the bat. When playing for Australia, Lanning believed that she ‘ran on auto-pilot’ and that she was able to mend the pieces naturally without being impacted in any way.
Lanning guided the Delhi Capitals to yet another final this year, when they were defeated by Royal Challengers Bengaluru, in the Women’s Premier League, capping off a stellar domestic season at home. Lanning notes that although things are starting to get better, they are still only small steps toward the bigger objective that lies ahead of her.
“It’s still not back to normal ratios I would say, (I have) lots of conversations that I have with myself around what I should do and what is the right thing to do for my health but it’s hard for my brain,” Lanning stated.
“I fight that fight, and sometimes I prevail, other times I fail. Right now, I think I’m in a decent place. I still play cricket, but I’m not made out for the international touring schedule and all that goes along with it.”
Lanning’s immediate goal will be to find something other than cricket, as she has stated. During her early breaks, Lanning traveled and consumed coffee while she wasn’t at the game. It was always expected at that point that one would have to return to the sport sooner rather than later. Now that it’s gone, Lanning is excited to start the next chapter of her life.
That’s both thrilling and intimidating. How do I want to proceed? I could become a pundit or coach, but is that truly what I want to do? Since I adore sports, they will play a part in the next phase. I’m fortunate that I don’t have to jump right into anything.I adore coffee. I do have a dream of possibly opening my own coffee shop in the future.”
